I was Adelle’s diversion. Her life with her husband was stable. Stable and dull. They had married right out of high school and were working towards their eighth anniversary.
I had only played with other women. A first kiss at a club in Chicago. Cindy with the U.S. Army that came with her lesbian U-Haul. Mandy on scaffolding at a rave. Claudia on the floor of my apartment. I had had the pleasure of kissing several women. Kisses with women were an intense experience. The way they smelled, how soft they were and the knowledge that they wanted to kiss me too But sex? Actual orgasmic sex? Never.
I let anyone who asked believe that I had days upon days of experiences. Somehow, if I had kissed a woman, she became one of the numbers. And the divine idea of women and my pathetically limited experience… well, I just added the kisses to the list. If you asked me today how many women I’ve slept with I would answer honestly, two. But I had told so many tales in the days of exaggerations, that sometimes it was six and sometimes seven.
I was introduced to Adelle in a dive bar that had a great band. Adelle was a good friend of my fiancé. They had known each other since school. I sat across the booth from her and her mismatched husband, a big man who made her seem tiny and breakable.
I remember her bright eyes and deep mahogany hair. She smiled with a vibrancy that was so opposite of her subdued, potato husband. We got drunk on malt drinks and wine and laughed and danced. So many years later, I remember that she had just lost her wedding ring while camping. I think, if pressed, I could tell you what she was wearing.
We came to do everything with each other. We met and walked every morning. She was at my wedding. When my daughter was a baby, she would go as easily to Adelle as she did to me. Adelle and I would fall into each other every so often in the bathrooms of bars, but not so much that it could be called anything besides drunken mischief between friends. We would sit in the back seat and hold hands while the guys talked up front.
We knew everything there was to know about each other and we could always talk. We loved each other. We joked that we would be old ladies together after the men had passed on, that my daughter would always wonder about Mom and ‘Aunt’ Adelle living together at eighty-five.
Eighty-five. Our relationship didn’t even make it to thirty-five.
Adelle’s husband was a good man. Hard working, devoted. He was Adelle’s biggest fan and dull as stale toast. He was so afraid of losing his greatest possession that he exerted strange little ways of controlling her. But I allowed everything. He saw me as a bad influence. I found it funny and Adelle and I laughed and laughed.
We laughed as our men played pool and we escaped to the ladies’ room to kiss. But only to kiss, and to brush our hands along the clothes that hid each other’s breasts and curves. We laughed at everything as we took our long walks and discussed the intricacies of her family, my past, and our all-important views of the world.
My husband was well aware of my uninhibited bisexuality from the beginning of our relationship. He amazed me by being the first man I had been with that didn’t ask me to bring someone home to share. He allowed me my kisses, when I was lucky enough to meet someone undeniable. I would tell him all about my moments alone with Adelle. He would distract her husband as we drove from bar to bar so that we could fondle each other in the back seat.
Adelle and I were rarely alone. The only times we were able to be on our own were during our walks around town, a few lunches and the occasional girls-only party. And we found particular enjoyment in the sex toy party that we went to one winter evening.
We passed around dildos and vibrators, whips and oils, indulgences for the body. As Adelle and I sat pressed together on a too-small couch with too many people, I felt her hand caressing my lower back. I shivered as she reached beneath the back of my sweater. I looked at her and she smiled so sweetly that anyone watching would not have had the slightest idea of what she was doing.
I slid my hand behind her and mimicked the soft touches on the curve of her back.
A new toy was passed our in direction and I felt chilled as Adelle removed her warm fingers from my body to examine it. As she handed me the vibrating rabbit, she secured her hand in the small space between our thighs, and waited for my hand to join hers. I brought my fingers to hers and we sat there in silent enjoyment.
In the car, we held hands like schoolgirls. We were on our way to have a few drinks with friends, and Adelle wanted to stop to pick up cigarettes at her office. She couldn’t smoke around her husband. She liked to believe that he didn’t know that she smoked. No one is that dim.
Adelle let us into the unlit office. Street lights and passing cars gave stark, shadowed light to the chairs and reception desk. I sat as she shuffled around her work space for the hidden cigarettes. She joined me in the closest chair and slowly enjoyed her smoke.
She asked me how many women I had been with. I honestly couldn’t remember how many I had told her and stumbled over my answer. Adelle noticed my blunder, and pressed for clarification. I tried to find a way to back step. It was time to admit my fertile imagination. We began talking of past lovers and escapades.
Adelle told me that as a very young woman, she had had her first female lover. Youth and inexperience drove them to fumbling acts. First in a barn, Adelle’s young neighbor pawed her developing breasts. Later, Adelle had her first feel of a girl’s mouth between her legs.
We began kissing as we always did when we were drunk and alone. Beautiful, long kisses. Everything was warm and wet. Adelle’s lips were full like mine and they mingled deliciously, even through the shadow of cigarette taste in her mouth.
Adelle grabbed my hand and pulled me to the carpeted floor of the adjacent meeting room, flooded with moonlight through a large window. If anyone were to come to the office, we would be found, but I only remember being vaguely aware of it. All I could do was hold onto her, tasting her kisses, feeling her lips.
Everything was moving in a crazed rush. We kissed and rolled about on the carpet. Adelle pulled me up and tugged my sweater over my head. I could barely control my fingers as I fumbled with the buttons of her top. I wanted to take in the sight of her body being exposed to me. The firm swells of her breasts. Her flat, tanned stomach. At that moment, she was all mine.
I pushed Adelle to the floor and straddled her narrow hips. Her long hair tumbled back as she looked up at me, running her searing hands across my skin. I will never forget how she looked, lying on the floor, eyes smouldering. I removed our bras, flinging them into a remote corner, and leaned down to taste her skin. That was when she started to make those sounds. Deep moans, small cries that pierced me.
Adelle sat up and wrapped her slender arms around me, our skin coming together. We held onto one another for a long quiet moment, coming to a certainty of what we were about to do.
Adelle quickly rolled me onto my back and began to pull at my jeans and panties. Soon I was naked under her, her thigh pressed between my legs. She raised herself up on her arms, staring at me for a moment. I would have done anything that she asked. She crawled down my body, licking and biting me, and nestled her mouth between my legs.
I buried my hands in her hair and let go to the delight. I felt her fingers press into me, rubbing that perfect spot inside. I felt my orgasm growing, then exploding. Her lust ran through my body with every wave of my own.
I wanted her to come too. I was vividly aware that this would be the first time I would feel a woman in my mouth. How she would taste and how wet she might be to my touch made me breathe even faster in my near panic. As quickly as my anxiety overwhelmed me, my mind switched to determination.
I flipped her over and tore at her jeans and thong. Before fear enveloped me, I brought my mouth down to her shaved pussy. She wriggled as I ran my fingers through her folds and then into her. I clasped my lips around her clit and sucked, pumping my hand. She was much sweeter tasting than I expected a woman would be. So warm and wet.
I will never forget how she sounded when she came. Adelle’s light voice had become deep with a low moan that grew to a lusty cry to her god and his son. I felt powerful and potent in my place between her legs.
We gathered ourselves, our clothes and gently touched each other as we dressed. Adelle sat in the large chair at the head of the table and enjoyed a smoke. I sat on the floor at her feet and wrapped my arms around her calves. Leaning my head into her knee, I felt her stroke my hair. We talked of devotion to one another. I promised with all I had that I would never be with another woman. We swore to each other that we would have this forever. We would grow old together. I believed it, I really did.
Over the next few months we enjoyed our affair. Cautious of the atmosphere of our little town and ignorance of Adelle’s husband, only my husband was aware of our hidden acts. Adelle and I reveled in our love. Around others, we would sneak off to a hidden room to kiss and touch. We even managed to arrange a few times alone. We made love on my bed, on my living room floor and held each other in my kitchen.
It seemed to be my ever increasing involvement in Adelle’s life that made her husband uncomfortable. Without knowing how true his statement was, he told Adelle that he thought I would steal her from him. Adelle’s fear of losing the life she had created drove a wedge between us.
Time passed and she kissed me lightly on my lips when she said that we could only be friends. That she couldn’t be unfaithful. He was pitiful to her. But he was the life she had built. I bit my tongue and gave her the smile that she wanted to see.
I pretended, telling her that another woman wanted to be with me and that I might go in that direction. I let her off the hook and made myself out to be the bad guy. I thought it would be easier for us. I was wrong. Instead of helping Adelle with her needed distance, I became tainted and easily dismissed.
Now, several years later, I still miss her. I think of the times that we laughed more than the meeting of our bodies. I miss her presence in my life. The way we talked and laughed and loved each other. I miss her.