There’s not really much to do in Pawnee, Oklahoma. Aside from the everyday, mundane life of a farmer there truly is nothing else. Schools are small because population is scarce. The people are all lagging behind the rest of society by a good 3 years. This is in everything from fashion to technology.
I would know, because up until next week I will have lived there 18 years, 3 months and 6 days. That’s every single day of my mundane life. But, no, next week the mundane will change into a little less mundane because I, Timothy Evan Benton, am off to college. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the small-town life. I can’t possibly imagine a life full of cars honking, cameras rolling, crowds walking and nightclubs for miles; however, I feel it is my duty to experience the above mentioned to merely say that I have, indeed, lived a little. I figure college will work.
Typical of a small-town boy (I use the term “Boy” literally, for as of this day I’ve yet to even hold hands with a girl.) I am finding the thought of leaving a bit rough. My mother weeps constantly, reciting in her repetitive lament that her “baby” is all grown up. Why must she rub salt into the open wound? “Baby” isn’t exactly a term that a guy my age prefers to be called.
Did I also mention that Oklahoma is in the heart of what we like to call the “Bible Belt”? I use this in my defense. Most girls here want to wait until marriage for sex. I, being a typical guy, don’t share this sentiment; however respect the wishes of the ladies. In fact, I know I’ll want to marry a girl like that one day. For now though, hormones win and college waits.
Its 2 days before I leave for Austin, Texas and the school at which I’ll be attending and I’m just now beginning to pack. I become sidetracked easily with butterflies each time I think of packing to uproot my whole life. I’m standing in my room, folding a pair of my jeans clumsily as my dad walks in.
“Son…” He trails off as he turns around. I suppose something else caught his attention. A few seconds later he comes back through my door.
“Hey dad.” I murmur, tossing a rolled up pair of socks into my suitcase.
“Son,” He starts again, this time steadily walking to me. “Do you have everything you need? This is a big step and I don’t want you to be without anything. Your mother and I have you a check card, and we’ll put money in the account as needed…” He sees me laugh. He starts to laugh as well and sighs. “Sorry.” He says. “Sometimes I think I’m as bad as your Mom when it comes to this.”
“At least you haven’t cried yet,” I joked to him. Rolling his eyes at me he walked out of the room. I look at the clock and realizing what time it is, toss my suitcase from my bed to the floor. Packing can wait, I need sleep. Though sleep isn’t the only thing I’m so hurried to find. I walk to my bedroom door and peek out, making sure my parents aren’t in the hall. It is empty so I yell a quick, “Goodnight” and shut the door, turning the lock.
Scurrying to my television, I flip it on and sit on the edge of my bed, remote in hand. Turning around one last time, I make sure the door is closed. We have a movie channel that we didn’t order, and although the pictures are a bit fuzzy you can make them out for the most part. At night this channel shows nothing but porn.
I suppose anyone knows what comes next, but let me share a story:
Up until 6 months ago I had never discovered the pleasure that is masturbation. Sure I’d been having hardon’s since I was 13 but living in the Bible belt, being taught that sex before marriage is a sin, you don’t exactly grab yourself and wank at the first sign of horniness. You resist. Because it’s a “test” from God. Well 6 months ago I was lying in bed and God decided to give me a “pop quiz.”
Not that I actually knew what was going on when I got hard. I knew very little about sex, and for sure never thought about touching myself. This night was especially difficult though, because this was the night I discovered the channel with porn.
Before this night I had never even seen a girl topless. I remember watching intently as I saw a guy with his head between a blonde girls legs. I had no idea what he was doing to her, but she was moaning and rolling around on the bed while he did it, so it was either hurting her or quite the opposite. I continued to watch, not paying much attention to the burning in my pants at first. The man sat up and when he did, I saw his erect penis. I sure knew what that was, and at that point decided he just might have been hurting that girl, because every time I had one of those all it did was make me ache miserably. The girl knelt in front of him, and soon enough she had her head between his legs too. Her mouth was wrapped around his penis. I felt my eyes widen as I watched, the man moaning the same as the girl had been a little while earlier. I wasn’t sure what to think, but I kept watching. My penis began to make a tent in my boxers and I got a little mad at myself. If diseases weren’t contagious through television, then somebody needed to explain this to me. The girl stopped with her mouth and began rubbing his penis with her hands. The man kept crying out to God, saying “yes, yes” so I knew this had to make the aching better. I blushed to myself as I thought about that girl being there in front of me, with her small hands rubbing my erect penis. Shocked at my own thoughts, I quickly tried to think about something else, however my attention was drawn back to the TV when I heard a loud cry from the mans throat. I watched as the mans penis projected a white fluid all over the girls face.
I felt my mouth gape open as he shot it out 3 times. She didn’t seem to mind it on her face, but I thought if that were me I would be pretty pissed. After all she was trying to help him and he just made a mess. My own loins burned heavily as I watched the girl sit on the mans lap. This part I at least knew what they were doing. This was sexual intercourse. That’s all they taught us in school. How to make a baby and why to wait. I watched as her tiny frame bounced up and down and noticed that soon enough, they both started moaning again. Evidently they got the same feelings with that as they did with whatever their mouths did. By now my penis was so hard it was throbbing and it was unbearable. Without paying any mind to my inhibitions, my hand pulled my shorts down, my penis flopping in the air as it was broken free from its confines. I didn’t know it would be so good; I just wanted the ache to go away. I allowed my hand to start rubbing the length of my shaft, the same way the girl rubbed the guy.
I was clumsy at first, pinching myself as I drew back. I winced but kept rubbing; unknowingly I sprayed a little pre cum. My ache began to go away; in fact, it felt so good I didn’t want to stop. I rubbed nice and slow for a while but soon felt an odd sensation, like I had to urinate. I stopped rubbing and it went away but my penis was still hard. I started rubbing again, gasping out a bit as my hand slid over the shiny tip of my penis. I started to move faster, unsure of what I was doing, I just knew it felt good. In fact, I couldn’t believe it felt as good as it did.
I clumsily jerked and rubbed, my hand unsure of what all it wanted to do to me. I felt the sensation again, like a burning, but I didn’t stop this time. I didn’t care if I pissed myself, I just didn’t want the feeling to go away. I rubbed and rubbed, I even squeezed harder. My breathing increased, and my crotch tightened as I felt an explosion of incredible sensations. My entire body shook as my penis shot out what I assumed was the same white stuff that the man on TV did, but in a much greater amount. I let out a loud cry, shutting my mouth immediately afterwards, listening to make sure my parents didn’t wake up. When I was sure nobody had heard, I sat in utter disbelief. They should have had a class on that in high school.